m@ d@iLy iMpErfEc+i0nS

2006-08-17T18:10:00.000-07:00

28 MORE DAYS OF MISERY AND PAIN

I'm slowly counting down the days till the removal of my cast... It's very irritating 'cause I have to move around with crutches and it itches.. The good thing is I get to take the cab to and fro everyday.. But then again it costs a BOMB man.. It's scraping me BROKE big time..

So this was what actually happened.. I had a friendly hockey game against TPJC on Saturday 5th August.. To cut it short, I fell when I slipped on the hockey ball and twisted my ankle.. Haha.. I bet y'all are trying to imagine how I would have looked like..Yea so it was a FREAK accident but it hurt like hell.. I twisted my ankle inwards, excuse me!

And it led to a whole string of events after that.. I missed my French test (I just sat for my retest today by the way) and my LCOMM assessment #4A too.. My practice rehearsals and gigs with Rendezvous are also affected.. And RGM and me are going through bad times now too.. I really hope these are all temporary phases of my life.. 'Cause I can't bear disbanding RGM.. Sheeshh.. I'm going to have to stop being so paranoid and return to my optimistic attitude...

I guess that is all I can post for today.. My mind is entangled with a whole lot of other things to worry about what to blog... So till the next time.. Ciao...

2006-07-17T17:33:00.000-07:00

Topsy-Turvy Life As It Is

I know I haven't updated in awhile.. And that's because I've been very busy lately.. I'm only updating because Winsor asked me to.. Haha..So read on Winsor..

Weekends ever since I left Barnone:-
I managed to survive my weekends since I left Barnone.. But it's not easy to do so without having to think about how much fun I've missed working with everyone in Barnone.. Hope everyone misses me too.. But I did find something to occupy myself so that I don't think of Barnone too much and that is by forming my BAND..

My Band, R.G.M ( Retrograde Motion):-
So R.G.M came about as of 5th July 2006.. Started out with me, Mizi, Yasin, Leon and Dominic jamming together.. Then Dominic and Leon left because they wanted to do something else of their own.. And following that, we lost Yasin because he had too many other commitments.. Now we're finally settled with 6 members and they are me on female vocals, Zac on male vocals, Mizi on lead guitar, Hafiz on bass guitar, Farhan on keyboards and Helmi on drums.. Trust me, these guys are great..Girls, wait till you listen to Zac's voice.. He'll instantly melt your hearts away.. Anyways we're looking into performing in clubs and all and hopefully to pentrate into the music industry so look out for us aight..

My Gig at Chijmes Le Baroque on Thursday 13 July 2006:-
It was a blast! I had my first singing experience in a club at Chijmes Le Baroque.. It was an honour to have been given that opportunity.. True Colours was a wonderful band and they made me feel welcome..Especially Rudy, the male vocalist.. Gave me some helpful tips and guided me along..Overall I had a lot of fun that night.. What made it more special was that Mummy and Zac were there to watch me and they thought I was pretty great for a first-timer.. Can't wait to do it again with the band Rendezvous this week..

The Other Band, Rendezvous:-
Now this is another band that I'll be playing with.. They're really cool people although they're way older than I am..But still they're very helpful and are willing to help me upgrade myself.. They even introduced me to genres I've never done before like Jazz, Blues, Country etc..So I'm really looking forward to all these turning points of my life..

So yea I guess that is about it for now.. Gotta head down for jamming practice now.. Till the next time..

2006-06-27T16:54:00.000-07:00

My Farewell Party at Barnone

It was the sweetest thing anyone has done for me.. My Barnone colleagues had planned a farewell party for me on my last day on Friday.. Though it was a small party, I was still very touched by their thoughtful gesture.. It would have been much more fun if everyone was there but unfortunately, we missed a lot of people.. Especially the band, Mahesh, Mimi, Indra, Azreen and the Management.. If only they had been there too..

Yea so you can imagine how sad I was on Friday.. I couldn't help but cry because I knew I'm gonna miss everyone and true enough, I'm thinking about them every single day now.. I especially miss Max alot for he is my Sunshine.. So to help me overcome that, I'll always read the pink book that I made everyone sign and read over the card they gave me.. Not forgetting looking at the pictures we took every now and then.. I wanna go back to Barnone!!!! BoooHoooo...

Well that's all I can say.. Let the pictures say it all.. Till next time..
P.S: The pictures are shown below..

Zhilong, Me and Shannen

The bartenders flinging Shannen about

Sharil, wanted DEAD or ALIVE

ME and MY farewell CAKE

The servers (from left to right): Sham, Shannen, Naresh, ME, Isa, Fish, Zhi Long and Achily

If you want more pictures, check out my ALBUM aight..

2006-06-21T18:33:00.000-07:00

I hate Goodbyes

I hate goodbyes especially when I'm having so much fun.. I have to leave Barnone, all thanks to Daddy, whom suddenly decided that he wants me to quit working in Barnone.. And I can't believe that Friday is going to be my last day there.. I am so going to miss every single one of them there.. Especially Syam... Yea so just when I thought I had a lil feeling for Syam, I have to go.. I don't know how it started 'cause afterall I was the one who thought that Syam was so arrogant and obnoxious.. But then as the days went by, it was actually quite fun working with him.. Well at least when he is in a good mood..

He just has this charming smile and that aura of charm.. And not forgetting the fact that he is quite good-looking.. He has also got his own sense of style in dressing and is confident of himself.. Yea so he really is not a bad figure at work afterall..

And then there is Max who I am also going to miss so badly when I leave Barnone.. 'Cause Max has always been my sunshine.. Never fails to put a smile on my face.. His jokes and teasings and the looks on his face.. Haha.. Gonna miss our little game of catch alot..

And I am definitely going to miss Shannen.. She is a great Captain although sometimes a lil scary for someone of such a small size.. She has taught me alot throughout the months.. Making sure no one bullies me yet at times she is the BIG BULLY.. Haha..

OOOOhhh all the memories I had working at Barnone.. I never thought I would have to leave them so soon.. I just hope I remain in their thoughts, the way they would remain in mind.. All the farewell parties, birthday celebrations and fucking-up briefings will stay with me.. Sheeesh.. Now I am getting a lil melodramatic.. Have to end this entry before I start bursting into tears..
Till the next time.. Or you can also check me up at http://jamaican-beauty.livejournal.com.

2006-06-01T15:00:00.000-07:00

For the sake of those who are unaware of my new Live Journal account, I've made the attempt to copy and paste my entries for the past few days to share with you all..

Have you ever felt that you've waited for someone long enough?? Too long for you to even bear??? And that just when you've given up every hope and learnt to move on, it comes back to haunt you??? If you have, perhaps you can help me out here..See this was what happened yesterday..

After so long, me and Alif (my first crush) were finally in touch again and we went out for a movie yesterday.. We met at SP and rode on his bike (a black KR) and headed down to Jurong Entertainment Centre to watch X-Men The Last Stand.. Had our meal at KFC and we were reminiscing on the times we had in primary school.. We even recalled how he and his group of friends used to pick on me so much.. It was fun actually.... Till..... I started to develop butterflies in my tummy..

Initially, I passed it off as being excited for being able to reunite with an old friend.. In fact an old flame to be precise.. But what I wasn't counting on was for the meeting to be the cause of that old flame being rekindled.. And honestly, the more I try to deny my feelings for him, the worse I felt.. And what's worst was I'm guilty of fantasizing him kissing me.. Hah! Now I feel as if I was 9 again, only that I'm stuck in a woman's body.. What the heck!

And so came the part when Solihin joined us and that's because we didn't know what else to do after the movie.. SO we met IN at Lot 1 CCK and had another meal at Long John Silver's, which by the way was on IN.. Apparently IN's presence helped to ease the tension a little but I was secretly wishing that I could feel at ease around Alif even without IN around.. We stayed out for about an hour and then Alif sent me home.. How I wished the ride home could last forever.. I didn't want to go home just yet but I knew I had to.. I wanted the day to last as long as it could but the sad truth is I know it couldn't.. And so as I thanked him for spending the day with me, I included a hint by saying "We should do this again some time".. The smile that I got in response set me floating as I head up the lift for home..

I don't know what it is about him that made me feel this way.. Afterall it was 10 long years ago when I had a crush on him.. I guess I can blame it on the fact that he was my first crush and so it's probably hard to get over him.. Just like it has been tough for me to get over my first love, first valentine and first kiss.. Ok so now I know I sound like a hopeless romantic and that this is not quite thew side of me that anyone has seen..

Well so I guess it is really complicated huh... This is when I'll need my baby girls to stand by me and advise me... So post in the comments babes.. Till the next time.. Cause Leon is bugging me now to go and have a meal with him.. Haha.. What a Loser! So I gotta go now.. Ciao...

2006-05-10T18:23:00.000-07:00

DON'T EAT AND SHIT AT ONE PLACE RULE

I hate that rule alot.. It seems like everyone I know is applying that rule in their life.. A couple of days ago, Arun was telling me about it and only last night, HE had to bring up about it..( HE here is not Arun so don't misunderstand alright )

HE: I have one rule, that I don't date colleagues
Me: So many rules? If it happens, it happens.. Things like this we can't control..
We just have to be professional about it. It's not that difficult..
HE: Trust me, it's that difficult..

I mean what the fuck does he mean by that?? Why tell me all this now?? I don't see how it's gonna help me get over him.. But I guess I managed to get over the depression, though it's now been replaced by anger and disgust..I'll need some help here people.. Share your views with me on the application of this rule.. Post your comments, tag or whatever..

So you can imagine that I would have a bad start today.. Was relying on my dad to send me to school so I can make it on time to submit my pre-lab work.. But as usual, daddy's got other plans so I had to grab a cab to school.. Cost me a fucking $22.70.. What the heck! Then had to rush and print my stuff.. Just made it at 10am..

Oh yeah had my first try at interviewing the client today during LCOM.. Wasn't that bad.. Could have done better though but I guess my mind's not in school today.. I didn't even have fun during French lecture this morning...

Guess that's all for today.. I'm gonna ease my mind by knocking around with my hockey stick and ball.. Till the next entry..

2006-05-03T17:10:00.000-07:00

Finally.. After so long...

I know I know.. I deserve a slap for not updating my blog in months but I can't help it if my computer won't work right? Yea so it's a lame excuse but dig this.. I was too busy working my ass off day and night during the holidays.. I swear.. Even my friends and cousins think I look like a walking scarecrow.. I swore I looked as if I haven't slept for months.. But hey the money was pretty good.. Think I'm gonna update you more on my new workplace..

BARNONE:
It's a slammin' place to work in.. The crowd's good, tips pretty generous and my workmates are a crazy lot.. Love every single one of them.. I even got a wee lil' crush on my supervisor.. Haha..
Can't help it man.. He's cute and he's got style.. Sheesh.. So much style that it swept me off my feet.. Back to more description of the place.. The band's amazing.. Love the music.. I just simply love the environment so much.. You people should really check it out.. Dominic, Vani, Radah and Smitha did pop by on Friday.. Hope they enjoyed the place as much as I do.. Take note though, cover charge on Friday and Saturday at $20 for ladies and $25 for gentlemen.. And yea you gotta be 21 years and above unless you know some insider... Haha..

BEDROOM/PLAYROOM:
Oooooohh la la... It was cool.. Max and Sharil brought me there after work on Saturday night.. Didn't stay too long though.. Had a couple of Vodka Redbull.. There was this guy, Bernard, who thinks I'm like the sweetest thing.. Keeps calling me 'Kecik' though.. That's small in Malay.. Liked the idea of being called 'Sweetie' but wasn't really with the idea of being called 'Kecik'.. Anyways the boys there were pretty eye-catching, though they were pretty much 'Mats'.. Come to think about it, it's been awhile since a Mat last caught my attention.. But oh boy, the Mats last Saturday DID catch my attention.. Haha.. That is SO Minah-like NISA!!!

All righty now.. Gotta go.. That's cause I kinda ran out of what to write.. But I promise I'll update tomorrow.. Afterall I've got a FOUR hour BREAK tomorrow.. Wonder what I should do.. Well till then..

2006-02-24T05:17:00.000-08:00

EXAMS ARE OVER!!! BUT I BET THE RESULTS SUCK!!

The exams are all finally over but I'm so prepared to sit for a couple of sub papers.. Haha.. Trust me to not study for my papers.. So guess I deserve it if I fail.. Well the holidays are coming and I have to work throughout it... Need a break badly but what to do?? NO work NO money!!! If only I did win that $117,000...... Oh well it's gone, just like that... Geee... What else am I gonna post??? Kinda having an unresponsive brain now due to the pressure of the exams...

Oh ya the division 1 is here and I'm playing in the team.. Wow!! Been looking forward to this.. Will at least have something to ease my mind.. There's nothing like a game of hockey to de-stress.. Will be playing the first game against the lionness dis sat at CCAB.. Wish me luck... Guess that's about it for now.. Need a rest... Till the next time... Ciao...

2006-02-08T13:43:00.000-08:00

I HOPE YOU'D KNOW

I hope you'd know that I love you
I hope you'd know that I truly care
And that whenever you are down
I hope you'd know I'll always be there

I hope you'd know that God loves you
And what you've been through is to make you strong
I hope you'd know that when you're troubled
You'll always have me to lean on

I hope you'd know that I wish you all the best
And that it breaks my heart to see you in this mess
I hope you'd know that I'll always pray
That you'll change your ways someday

I hope you'd know it's killing me inside
To witness you live your life this way
I hope you'd know you're capable of a lot of things
And that you could fight anything that stands in your way

I hope you'd know I mean everything I wrote
In this short composition I hope
That I would get my message across
And I hope you'd know that I'll always be the one you can trust

This is for you, whoever you think you are.. I've tried but I just can't reach out to you.. I really hope with this, you'd finally open up so that I can reach out and help you..

2006-02-02T14:45:00.000-08:00

NO MORE TORT, NO MORE ECONS, NO MORE PROJECTS... JUZ THE EXAMS

Oh boy... 2 weeks of no entry.. Gotta let everything out.. Firstly, I'd like to pat myself on the back for having pull through 2 weeks of living hell.. Now that there's no more projects to rush, I can finally pamper myself with a good night's sleep.. Sheeesh...

Anyways, went back to Marriott to work... Missed everything over there... The environment, the people and most of all..... THE FOOD! I'm such a pig right??? Haha... Gosh the mushroom soup was heaven and now they've got mozzarella sticks on the menu... Yummy!!! Worked my ass off for five days.. Hope that can cover my handphone bills and Qisya's expenses..

Yea talking about Qisya.. My baby girl's growing up so quickly.. She is simply brilliant though out of control at times... Kinda reminds me of someone I know... Lemme see, who was it??? Oh yea it's me... Well after all, ain't she my junior... She's singing songs now.. Taught her how to sing 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star'.. And how to count for 1 to 10.. But as usual, that little rascal always wants to count ahead of me...

Oh yea then there's my baby brother, Rian, who is like only 10 days older than Qisya.. The both of them are growing up so well together.. That is if you don't count the times when he goes on a biting spree on Qisya.. Haha... That one is another rascal.. He is so stubborn that he ain't afraid of nothing.. Even if you raise your voice at him, he'll just laugh it off... But he's adorable.. Gonna grow up to be a real good-looking lad... If only y'all can experience the wonder of raising two babies under one roof.... Haiz.... And talk about their mischief too...

Well guess that's it for now.. Gotta go meet my sweetheart... Haha... Yea right Nisa... As if you're gonna have one... Well till the next time y'all... Take care... Ciao....

2006-01-18T13:30:00.000-08:00

LIES

Yea I haven't posted an entry for almost a month.. Been too busy with the school projects.. Too preoccupied.. But since I skipped Tort lecture today and I'm in the lab, I figured I'd post something..

So around 3 weeks ago, I found out a whole lotta things about my life.. Things that I least expected.. And it made me realize how I've been living my life with lies.. Amazing how I manage to get through every single day like this.. People I care so much about and trust so much are slowly turning their backs on me.. Am I not good enough for them? Am I worthless in their eyes? What does it takes for me then to show them that I ain't the way they think I am?

But the past 3 weeks has made me stronger.. I got to know someone special and I learnt from his mistakes.. We share our experiences and advice with each other and that has made me realize that I should learn to practice what I preach.. I learnt that even the person closest to you can turn their back on you.. And for what? For MONEY, ATTENTION and LOVE..

Guess it just shows that beautiful things aren't always beautiful and that people only seem nice on the exterior.. People whom I call HYPOCRITES.. They have got no respect for others and come to think about it; they have got no respect for themselves.. They are shallow and are willing to stoop so low to see others suffer.. You want to question my self-dignity?! Where is yours then when you stoop that low to bring me down?! If I am stone-hearted, at least I still have one but you are HEARTLESS..

One thing's for sure I want everyone to remember.. All you so-called friends of mine or cuzzies, you ain't bringing me down the littlest bit.. There is such a thing called retribution and I believe in it.. What you did to me will come back to you when you least expect it..

Hafeez,
It's been really nice knowing you and I'm glad I did.. Remember what we talked about and everything I told you.. We'll keep it to ourselves yea.. Thank you for being around.. I appreciate it a lot..

2005-12-28T12:39:00.000-08:00

Life Ain't A Bed of Roses

So it's official now.. We've finally broke up and for real this time.. No more turning back.. But I can't help feeling that something is missing in my life.. It's like the sun is no longer shining every morning when I wake up and everything just seem so out of place.. Even Qisya's smile can't fill that emptiness inside.. What is this that I'm feeling I wonder?? Help me out friends..

Furthermore, it seems so unfair that he is getting over the whole episode just fine.. Then again it's probably my fault for holding back.. I know I should really let go but how do I do it?? I thought that by cutting off every connection that I have with him would work but it sure doesn't seem like it.. Maybe all I need is really time..

So you may ask what happened right?? Honestly, I don't know myself.. One day, everything was all roses and all of a sudden it took a dive.. Guess it's the situation.. Yea so I have my past.. In the eyes of some, I am an UNFORGIVEABLE SINNER.. Guess that is the right way of putting it.. Another word would be prejudice.. I have been turned away because of the things that I did.. Know what?? Maybe she's right.. Maybe I am Not Good Enough for you.. Oh heck!! It really doesn't matter anymore now does it???

Time to move on.. It's not as if I won't be able to get anyone else just because I've lost you.. Maybe what happened is a blessing in disguise.. Haha.. Now I'm quoting Hazlami.. After letting all that is pent up out, I finally realized that I am better off without you.. At least I would have more time for my buddies and catch up on all the good laughs that I've missed over the past 4 weeks.. Sorry guys but I guess I'm back to irritating y'all again.. Haha.. And Syaf, now I can check out all the boys in school withou having to feel the least of guilt..

All right, I'm out of words now.. Exhausted! I've let it all out.. Now I see what people mean when they say that letting all your anger and frustrations out helps make you feel better.. I'm a whole lot better now than I was before this entry at least.. And guess what?? The Sun is starting to shine again.. Hehe.. Till the next entry.. Ciao..

2005-12-12T15:46:00.000-08:00

Right Back Where I Started Again

It ended as soon as it began.. 1 week ago you were mine and today we're no longer an item.. it hurts real bad but like I promised you that I'll move on.. Once I get tired of crying, I'll go back to my life the way it was before I met you..

I tried to be strong and tried to run away from reality.. I couldn't face you 'cause I know I'll break down but I tell myself I can't keep running.. I couldn't believe how weak I was when I cried at the plaza, right after you went pass me without saying a word..

But it seems to me that you still care 'cause you came back for me when you found out I cried.. Went to the reservoir with me to talk things out.. I know how hard it is for you when you are torn between your family and me and I guess right now I don't blame you for having to do the things that you did.. I wouldn't want to put you in a spot either..

I hope you understand why I told you that we should just remain friends.. You mean a lot to me and although I cannot lie to myself, I have to do what is right.. I don't want to lose you entirely so at least with you around as a friend, we could still be together.. And maybe if luck is on our side, we could get your family to accept me..

I'm lying to myself, really I am.. Just hope you know that.. It breaks my heart as much as it does yours.. But still, I thank you for everything.. Thank you for loving me the way you did.. Thank you Muhammad Razali..

*I know this is a lil too emotional, guys and a total contrast to my usual entries.. But this comes from the bottom of my heart and that I mean every single word I typed*

2005-12-08T15:11:00.000-08:00

"Accidentally In Love"

So she said what's the problem baby

What's the problem I don't know

Well maybe I'm in love (love)

Think about it every time

I think about it

Can't stop thinking 'bout it

How much longer will it take to cure this

Just to cure it cause I can't ignore it if it's love (love)

Makes me wanna turn around and face me but

I don't know nothing 'bout love

Come on, come on

Turn a little faster

Come on, come on

The world will follow after

Come on, come on

Cause everybody's after love

So I said I'm a snowball running

Running down into the spring that's coming all this love

Melting under blue skies

Belting out sunlight

Shimmering love

Well baby I surrender

To the strawberry ice cream

Never ever end of all this love

Well I didn't mean to do it

But there's no escaping your love

These lines of lightning

Mean we're never alone,

Never alone, no, no

Come on, Come on

Move a little closer

Come on, Come on

I want to hear you whisper

Come on, Come on

Settle down inside my love

Come on, come on

Jump a little higher

Come on, come on

If you feel a little lighter

Come on, come on

We were once

Upon a time in love

We're accidentally in love

Accidentally in love [x7]

Accidentally

I'm In Love, I'm in Love,

I'm in Love, I'm in Love,

Accidentally [x2]

Come on, come on

Spin a little tighter

Come on, come on

And the world's a little brighter

Come on, come on

Just get yourself inside her

Love...

I'm in love

2005-11-30T23:32:00.000-08:00

"The Trouble With Love Is"

Oooh oooh, ooooh yeah, mmmm...
Love can be a many splendored thing
Can't deny the joy it brings
A dozen roses, diamond rings
Dreams for sale and fairy tales
It'll make you hear a symphony
And you just want the world to see
But like a drug that makes you blind,
It'll fool ya every time

The trouble with love is
It can tear you up inside
Make your heart believe a lie
It's stronger than your pride
The trouble with love is
It doesn't care how fast you fall
And you can't refuse the call
See, you got no say at all

Now I was once a fool, it's true
I played the game by all the rules
But now my world's a deeper blue
I'm sadder, but I'm wiser too
I swore I'd never love again
I swore my heart would never mend
Said love wasn't worth the pain
But then I hear it call my name

(The trouble with) The trouble with love is
It can tear you up inside
Make your heart believe a lie
It's stronger than your pride
The trouble with love is
It doesn't care how fast you fall
And you can't refuse the call
See, you got no say at all

Every time I turn around
I think I've got it all figured out
My heart keeps callin' and I keep on fallin'
Over and over again
The sad story always ends the same
Me standin' in the pourin' rain
It seems no matter what I do
It tears my heart in two

(The trouble with love is) The trouble with love, yeah
(It can tear you up inside) It can tear you up inside
(Make your heart believe a lie) Make your heart believe a lie
It's stronger than your pride
(The trouble with love is) It's in your heart
It's in your soul (doesn't care how fast you fall)
You won't get no control(and you can't refuse the call)
See, you got no say at all
(The trouble with love is) Oh, yeah
(It can tear you up inside)
(Make your heart believe a lie)

2005-11-28T16:35:00.000-08:00

WHAT I LIKE ABOUT YOU-NOT A HAPPY ENDING

*I like the way you style your hair
And all the simple clothes you wear
'Cause simplicity is what I like about you
Never once did you flaunt though you're well-to-do

I like the way you look at me
The way you talk, the way you smile
I like having you around me
Even if it means it's just for awhile

I like the way we share our life stories
And how you look me in the eye
I like the sound of your laughter
And I hope I'd never have to see you cry

I like the way you walk
The way you'd be bobbing up and down
I like it when we talk
'Cause you never fail to make my day
You're like my personal clown

I like that little twinkle in your eye
'Cause I find it really adorable
Trying to forget you is tough, no matter how hard I try
'Cause you are simply irresistable

I like you just the way you are
That it doesn't matter if you're no superstar
I like you for all the silly things you do
And the way you make me feel comfortable
When I am around you

Enough of all the things I like
'Cause I know we will never be
And I know there is no denying the fact
That the girl who's got your heart is not me...*

To that special "YOU"...Remember what I told you on Saturday?? Well there it is.. It's all yours..

*copyright of NISA SANI*
If I catch anyone cutting and pasting my stuff and claiming it to be yours, I'LL WHOOP YOUR ASS!!!

2005-11-28T13:35:00.000-08:00

*A MUST READ FOR ALL*

A NIGHT TO REMEMBER- MY SUPER FANTASTIC 18TH BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION ON 26TH NOVEMBER 2005

So my birthday was a BLAST!! Woooooohoooo.... I had the time of my life. Cheeky Monkeys was a great place. The music, atmosphere and the people... Everything was totally wonderful.. I had no regrets though if i could really change something about that night would be taking my drinks a lil slower so that I could stay a lil longer.. But still, that couple of hours still meant a lot to me..

I was completely wasted by 1 I think.. Well of course I would have been, looking at the amount of alcohol I had.. Let's see.. I had Chivas, 2 jugs of Bourbon Coke, 2 Tequila shots, a shot of Sambuca, Long Island Tea and a Flaming Lambo.. Now I bet u know how I felt that day.. Had all that 'cause I couldn't disappoint anyone.. They were all mostly treats from my buds and on the house.. And know what?? I was too wasted that I climbed the podium and danced with Ashwin's friend, Resh (i think).. And it wasn't just regular dancing, it was SLEAZY DANCING..Shheesshh.. The things I can do when I'm drunk.. Well guess that's as far I go about that night.. To those whom I've invited and you didn't come either 'cause you can't or you wouldn't, then it's really your loss.. You missed so much!!! All right time to get down to the Thank Yous...

To MUM and DAD:

THANK YOU!!! You both are the coolest parents a teenage girl can ever ask for..Thank you for being there to look out for me.. Yes I do admit that I was disappointed that we had to leave early but I understand your reasons for doing so.. MANY THANKS to you especially MUM, for dolling me up.. Taking me to the salon to fix my hair and all.. And to both you and DAD, THANK YOU for the Chivas..I LOVE THE BOTH OF YOU SO MUCH..And I promise I'll be a better person..

To MY COOLEST BUD, ASHWIN:

THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH!!! You made it so special for me.. Thanks for getting your friends to make all the arrangements for me.. It has really been an UNFORGETTABLE night.. And many thanks for the Tequila shot too... And sorry for the kisses (on the cheek).. Haha.. Was a li too generous with them.. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH ASH for this.. You're a True Friend.. Some day I'll repay you back.. BIG TIME...

To MY BITCH, VICKIE:

THANK YOU for looking out for me that night and for dragging me to the toilet when I had to puke..Haha.. Wouldn't have been possible without you.. And I don't hold anything against you for you-know-what..Haha...LOVE YOU GIRL..

To MY BOYS, AANESH, CHEOK AND CORNELIUS:

THANK YOU SO MUCH for coming.. It really meant a lot to me..CHEOK, the Sambuca totally knocked me out la.. Haha..But still thank you for buying it for me and taking the shot with me.. AANESH, Thank you too for the Tequila shot and for the dances..You're a smooth dancer.. CORNELIUS, Thank you for everything.. Thank you for the dances..Thank you for taking the drink with me when it really should have been my boyfriend's responsibility (that is if I had one at the first place).. And thank you for not letting anything change what we have.. And I'm truly sorry for all the shit I did to you.. Guess I got a lil carried away.. Still I LOVE YOU GUYS.. YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST MALE FRIENDS A GIRL LIKE ME CAN EVER ASK FOR..

To DOMINIC,NIKKI,MAS,MATO,RADAH,JEAN, cuz FAIZAL,SKY,BENG, BIG BRO RAHIM and BIG SIS WANTI:

THANK YOU all of you for coming..I feel like I haven't thank you all enough.. Thank you for taking the time and willingly spending a few extra money to make my birthday celebration a very meaningful one.. I owe it all to you guys..

To LIL BRO SAKTHI:

For a moment, I was disappointed when I didn't see you there But when you finally did showed up, I was ecstatic..Thank you for coming even though you were alone.. I LOVE YOU FOR THAT.. Someday we'll go out together for our own fun aight bro..

To SHAFIK:

THANK YOU for coming.. And I am sooooo sorry I had to leave just as you came.. And yea about those kisses, sorry too FIK.. They weren't really meant for you..HAHA.. I was too wasted so I guess I got carried away.. Don't hold it against me aight... LOVE YOU ROCKSTAR..

To the MANAGEMENT OF CHEEKY MONKEYS:

THANK YOU for making sure that everything went right.. You guys have made my night.. Thank you for all the drinks that was on the house.. EXCELLENT JOB GUYS..

AND TO ALL YOU LOVELY STRANGERS WHO BOUGHT ME DRINKS AND DANCED WITH ME THAT NIGHT:

THANK YOU ALL!!!

2005-11-23T17:23:00.000-08:00

THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE

simply said: my baby girl, NUR TIARAQISYA..
why that name?? some people have wondered and asked me why...
as the muslims know, NUR means 'cahaya' or ray of light...
and so with that i was hoping that my daughter's presence will bring light to my dull and dark life..
TIARA: i would say that when i was conceiving her, i was telling myself to name my daughter after something precious to remind myself of all the hardships i had to face just to keep her..
QISYA: that just happens to a name i really like...

MY BABY GIRL:
never fails to put a smile on my face..
my every breathe that i take is for her..
my every step i take is for her..
my every sacrifice i make would hopefully lead to her happiness...

MY IMPERFECTION:
do not mock at me 'cause of my every imperfection..
yet again do not sympathise me 'cause sympathy weakens me..
i may dare to dream but i trust my dreams are achievable with my undying drive..
and in my every dream i see myself at the top with my baby girl..

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN:
you may think you have brought me down..
but then think again...
your every snigger has not brought me down one bit..
you may think you are way up there now..
but you forgot that what goes around comes around..
and that what goes up will come down..
what you did to me is not breaking me..
in fact it is making me what i am today...
i may not get you now..
but i have faith that someday someone is gonna come and hurt you ten times more than you've hurt me...
then we shall see who gets the last laugh...

apparently i was frustrated that's why i decided to let it all out..to my true friends, thanks for sticking your necks out for me in times when i'm in need..thank you for all the shoulder to cry on and do remember that you can have mine too..

till the next entry.. ciao..

2005-11-22T15:21:00.000-08:00

4 DAYS TO GO

4 days to go before i turn 18... woooohoooo... finally the legal age is stepping up to me...
and mum allows me to go out and make the best of it...
no strings attached... how often do i get that man???
anyways i'm still a lil bummed out 'cause i have no idea where to have the celebration at...
cheekies??? queens??? momo??? desire??? M.O.S???
aarrghhh.... soooo many potions...
but the guys can't quite enter any others except cheekies and queens 'cause they're a lil too young... haha...
well we'll see how it goes...
no matter what it is, i bet saturday night's gonna be slammin'...
will let u know how it when...
till then.. ciao...

2005-11-18T10:36:00.000-08:00

LIL BABIES

funny how irritating it can be when 17 year olds act like immature lil babies..
so much fer mutual friendship.. never did existed..
gets on my nerves a lot when people can be really hypocritical and two-faced..
but hey its their loss..
like the saying goes 'YOU'LL NEVER KNOW WHAT YOU HAD UNTIL YOU'VE LOST IT"..

its sad too when people think too highly of themselves and hurts like a pain in the ass when they're given a reality check..
so here's one fer you n him..
STOP FLATTERING YOURSELVES 'cause you guy are nothing compared to me and my peeps...

uuuggghhh.. gotta sign off now..
just the thoughts of it makes my blood boil..
ciao..

2005-09-07T14:16:00.000-07:00

BUMMED...

it's been a while since my last entry.. n a whole lotta events have taken place since then.. like for example, i'm sitting for my exams this week... n yea yesterday was the worst day of the month.. cause now he's in national service... didn't get a chance to meet him for the last time... yea i noe i'm sounding dramatic when it's only n.s right.. but that's not the point.. the point is that i still haven't got the guts to let him know how i feel for him... so i've always been the go-getter but i guess i'm gonna sit this one out.. i'm kinda afraid to take a chance (or risk)... maybe cause i figured that he's outta my league... haha.. ooh well no point brooding over it right?? maybe in a way his absence will give me some time to muster enough courage to let him know how i feel in time to come.. heck... after weeks of not blogging, i still don't have anything much to type.. been too preoccupied... hhhmmmm... guess it's till the next time then.. when i have more to update... ciao...

p.s: thanks for the wake up call cuzzie sue... didn't realize i've missed so many entries till u alerted.. n yea i've linked u already..

2005-08-23T15:36:00.000-07:00

FINALLY..

it's all over finally.. no more projects or presentation.. but still der's d exams.. can't wait fer it to be over too.. kinda miz werking at marriott.. looking forward to going back to werk dis holidays.. sori i haven't been updating fer such a long time.. been too much under pressure chasing deadlines n all.. n yea ma pc's still down.. getting sick of dat old machine.. aniwaes same old shit has been going on too.. miz emailing ma guests.. wonder if dey still remember me?? hmmm.. apparently at dis point of time im tied up wif five guys.. haha.. wat a playa! but wat can i do man?? i wanna keep all of em.. dun wanna let go of anyone coz i need all of em.. wat a heck.. gotta get goin now.. will update soon enuf.. till den.. ciao...

2005-08-12T16:54:00.000-07:00

HERE I GO AGAIN

anotha dae has gone by.. as usual nuthin much happened.. had no class except apel n a make-up CSA tutorial.. guez dats y d time passed veri slowly.. yea hung out wif hilmi fer a while juz now.. dat guy is reali too much!! made me laugh till ma tummy hurt.. but it's alwaes nice when he's arnd.. neva ceases to brighten up ma dae.. aniwaes check out ma blog peeps.. im so proud of it.. haha.. many thanx to jannah fer helping me out wif it.. luv it so much.. looking forward to ma personalized wallpapar dat ur gonna create fer me.. well yea can't wait fer hockey training tmr.. we're playing against tpjc.. hah.. miz playing against dem.. gotta do wifout erica coz she's off to KL or sumtin.. n naomi too.. let's hope we can stil make it.. uuuggghhhh.... im so tired.. stil a couple more projects to go.. can't wait to b done wif it.. ooohhh well gotta get goin now.. till d nxt entry..ta-ta..

2005-08-10T12:57:00.000-07:00

shheesshh....

hey hey.. hows tings been down n under?? mine's been same old same old.. well mebe not exactly.. like i got wat i wanted finally.. n rite now im stil asking maself if its reali wat i want.. i mean him.. yea n so he's nice n all but i dunno how his presence is of any significance to ma already complicated life.. hhmmm... guez it helps a lil tho.. got sumone to talk to when im bored.. kinda miz havin late nite fone conversations since shafiie... yea shafiie.. stil trying to get over him.. sumtimes i feel im totally over him but den again sumtimes i can't help missing him.. wat d heck man.. aniwaez im in d library while doing dis.. skipped econs tutorial.. can't believe i stayed up til 3 in d mrng last nite to finish up ma outline n summary when d others are juz starting to do it now.. ma damn pc is stil not ok.. stil can't access d net frm hm.. hey yea im done wif ma pom project finally.. so now 2 down n 2 to go.. wanna get over n done wif everytin.. can't stand d pressure of chasing a dead line.. guez dats it fer now.. gotta get goin.. got lunch wif mr ferlin n ma lcs grp.. till d nxt time.. ciao..

2005-08-03T23:13:00.000-07:00

hhhhmmmmm......

seriously i dunno wat im feeling todae.. hmmm lets do a lil recap of todae's events.. oohh well got ma pom results back.. basically i suck in it coz i didnt study fer ma test.. den had anotha session of boring econs tutorial.. ooohh yea.. was told dat i wun b having lessons tmr n on fridae.. wwoooohoooo... wat luck!!! but aniwaez i'll gif everyone a surprise so if u wanna noe wat it is, den u gotta stay fer ccn dae aight guys..
ooohh... ma classmates were so damn horny todae.. dey were all talking abt 'coming' n stuffs.. haha.. u sick ppl!!! im definitely gonna b careful when using d word 'come' arnd all dis sickos...
yea so it now cums to him.. alwaes him huh... i can reali go on n on abt dis guy.. got his no todae.. hehe... 'bumped' into him at d bridge while i was filling up some survey on teen smoking (wat a waste of time!) n talked to him fer awhile.. its amazing how he cud still look gud no matter wat he does.. haha.. yea im obsessed i noe.. even fazi n wan tinks so.. i pity dem.. made dem cum wif me all d wae to boon lay.. if dat wasnt bad enuf den mebe dis will add on to it.. talked abt him thru out d whole journey.. haha.. n so fazi reali wanted to meet dis guy whu managed to smitten me..dun wori gerl sumdae i'll show him to u.. uuuuggghhhhhh.... guez dats it fer todae.. gonna conk out now.. stil sick la.. n i miz ma hp sooooooooo bbbbaaaadddly.. till tmr.. ciao...

(obviously todae's entry is d same as wat i blogged in ma frenster blog.. haha.. too lazy to fill in a new entry la.. sowie..)

2005-08-02T15:48:00.000-07:00

YAWNN...

wat d heck.. nuthin much todae.. ms chong is stil goin on wif our excel lesson.. im lost n i aint listening to her no more.. ma mind has shut down on me.. dunno wazzupp wif me todae.. mebe coz im sick.. n mebe also coz i didnt see him..haiz... how cud dis be man?? how cud i haf given him all of ma heart dat easily when i was supposed to play hard to get??? ssheeesh.... guez i've gone a lil mellow.. no longer as tough as i used to be.. ooohh ya.. goin to see ma bro todae before he leaves fer australia.. dat lil kid didnt even inform me abt it..hhmmph.. gonna gif him a piece of ma mind later.. aight guez dats all fer now.. nuthin much to sae.. till den.. ciao..

2005-07-29T22:18:00.000-07:00

WHEN I DON'T SEE YOU..

I miss your charming smile
When i don't see you
The way your lips curl up
Everytime you see me passing by...

I miss your sleepy-looking eyes
When i don't see you
The way they would look deeply at me
So full of mystery though rather droopy...

I miss the lazy way you walk
When i don't see you
The way you drag your feet across the ground
It's a wonder how you do it without making a sound...

I miss your voice
When i don't see you
The way you speak, i can't seem to get enough
I even love it when you laugh...

Guess by now you would know how i feel
Want you to know that all i've said is for real
What i miss the most is really just you
At any time when i don't see you...

NISA

2005-07-28T16:39:00.000-07:00

Im on ma own now..

no more vickie..finally on ma own.. but hey dat dun mean she's no longer ma bitch.. she stil is n im stil on ni-ckie.blogspot.com as well.. dis over here is juz a lil more space all fer maself.. yea so todae is nuthin interesting.. d onli fun ting i can tink of todae is d telephone skill test.. was pretty cool coz mr ferlin played sum indian guy calling frm calcutta.. i was more esctatic yesterdae than i m todae.. didnt get a glimpse of him at all..mebe dat 20 mins session wif him wun cum again.. yea yea so im being paranoid.. coz paranoia is wat makes me.. well besides ma schizophrenia.. yea i guez by now u can tell dat i've got nuthin else to talk about dats y im bullcrapping.. guez i best be leaving.. catch up when i've betta tings to sae.. fer now gotta take ma 2 hr trip to jurong west fer tuition.. peace out..